My first couple of days at home have been very quiet. I've been experiencing some of the TLC the rest of the family have had from my mummy.
The day started off with croissants from the bakery in Corsham, which Mum bought on her way back from taking the boys to school. I'd managed to shower (well sort of - same principle as before really) before she came back and put my sexy compression stockings back on. They recommend I wear these for the next 2 weeks! No deodorant for the next 2 weeks either - I wondered where the smell was coming from! Hottest weeks we've had in ages and no deodorant - well, on 1 side anyway!
The morning was filled with Crimewatch Roadshow, Homes under the Hammer and Cowboy Trap. Livi didn't surface until gone 10:30, tucked into some pain au chocolat that Granny had bought her and then pulled a face when I asked her to go with Mum to Waitrose - kids!
Livi had a driving lesson in the afternoon and Mum went to pick the boys up from school. Chris spent his first day back at work in a bit of a stupor. He went out at lunchtime to buy a drive belt for the vacuum cleaner and bought 2. Only problem is, he put them down somewhere and came home without them! Let's hope whoever found them has the same make and model as us!
Not the end of the world though.
Chris took Adam to Futsal training in the evening and came back to a lovely dinner courtesy of Mum.
Mum has a red spot on the back of her leg that I think we need to keep an eye on. If it starts to get bigger we may need to get it looked at.
Can't quite seem to get comfortable with my arm. The armpit is completely numb - very weird feeling. Underneath the top part of the arm is painful. It feels like something has been rubbing the skin to the point of pain. This happens even when it's not resting on something. Will have to sort out the right combination of painkillers, I think. Ah well, tomorrow's another day.
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
All inclusive stay at RUH
OH MY GOD! Where to begin..........?
THURS 24th
Chris has already mentioned our morning on the ward, so I won't go over old ground. As he said, there were a few tears when it was time for him to go, it brought it all a bit closer. I changed into a rather fetching hospital gown that (yes you guessed it) didn't tie up properly at the back! Toilets, naturally were down the corridor, so my trip to the loo was interesting, as by this time visitors were starting to arrive.
I'd already had my pre-meds, which included anti-sickness tablets (I don't do sick). My "drivers" soon arrived and wheeled me off to theatre. This turned out to be in the main hospital building, so I ended up being taken on a magical mystery tour. All too soon, we arrived at our destination. I had to get off the bed in the corridor - another flash of my arse to the rest of the world! Lovely team to put me under. Jenny came in and said hello and ask me if all was.............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Next I knew I was back on the ward, on a drip with an oxygen mask over my face. Not much to say about that really, don't remember much. Vaguely recall talking to Chris and Vaughan, but not what was said (no change there then, I hear them cry!). The rest of the night was spent being woken up for obs and medication.
Friday gave me the chance to study my fellow inmates, although not for long as they all got discharged! Just as well really as the young girl in the next bed was constantly on the phone to her friends and ?ex-boyfriend. I say ex, because it wasn't a pleasant conversation. If she said "get over yourself" once, she must have said it continuously about a dozen times!
Didn't take long for 2 of the beds to be filled though - both gynae ops. Beryl, who is 89 and deaf and Annabel, married to a vet and who had just become a grandmother. Both were brilliant and made a few days bearable for me. We even managed to have a laugh - mainly at Beryl's expense as she kept waltzing off for a walk and forgetting her catheter. Annabel and I would leap out of bed (well maybe a slight exaggeration, as she had a catheter and I had drains to carry around) to warn her because she couldn't hear us shouting.
Irene, my BCN (Breast Care Nurse), came round to show me what exercises I have to do. "Morcambe and Wise" 5 times, 5 times a day.........bring me bloody sunshine!
It was interesting watching all the different nurses and student nurses and the different ways they dealt with things. Life in hospital was punctuated with medication, food, tea, coffee and beds changed daily. Menu's were given out the day before and the food was just about edible. It started at 07:00 every morning with a choice of cornflakes, rice krispies, weetabix, porridge or bread and jam (what no toast??). The main meals were served at 12:00 with sandwiches for supper at 17:00.
Visiting was twice a day and exhausting at times. Annabel said after one visit "are your family always like that? That'll definitely take your mind off things!". It's interesting to note that was the day Chris, Gaynor and Livi visited! My visitors all left me feeling very special that they'd made the effort to come and see me. My Dad even came up from Cornwall (his journey would have been even quicker, if it wasn't for other cars on the road!! tut tut). Those that were unable to visit sent very welcome text messages. I wasn't allowed to charge my phone (my charger hasn't been PAT tested like all their equipment!), so only turned it on to pick up messages.
I also managed to have sneaky peaks at the blog to see how Chris was doing! I was beginning to think my efforts would be redundant! He did a brilliant job and I think he should start his own. His thoughts and feelings were a revelation to me at times and very touching (and yes, they made me cry!). I think he's struggling with all of this and I don't know how to help him, he's all over the place. I'm sure it's just a matter of time, but he will get there.
I've loved reading all the comments, thank you.
Saturday was the first chance I got to see my new body in the mirror. Oh dear, it really did happen. I sobbed my heart out, it looks surreal, not how it's meant to be. I'm sure I'll get used to - case of having to really.
Sunday wasn't brilliant, decided to have a shower, I desperately needed to wash my hair (sorry to those who had the pleasure of seeing me with the stuck to the head style!). Stood in the shower enclosure and wondered where the hell to start! Still had 1 drain in and was asked not to get the dressings wet. Ok, so not so much a "shower" but a "dry" with a bit of wet thrown in. More tears, this was getting pathetic - just get on with it! Got there in the end and was looking forward to sitting down relaxing (again), but ended up in the loo with a dodgy tum. All got sorted in the end, stopped the Diclofenac and felt better in the afternoon. Had to say bye to Annabel, as she'd been let out for good behaviour and hello to a new inmate, 19 year old Tessa (appendectomy). Her parents were in Spain - she was at college over here, so she kept in touch with them by mobile, her Grandad visiting her. Another young girl came in with a Crohns
My drain felt like it was getting heavier, so I imagined that come Monday they would turn round and tell me it needed to stay in a bit longer. Luckily for me, when Irene, came round she found it hadn't drained much during the last 24 hours, so it was ok for me to have that out and go home!
There were, however, a few things to go through first. Irene took me and Frances (my post op mastectomy bra!) to a quiet room to fit my first temporary prosthesis (called a Comfy). We popped Fran on and then Irene went to a large cupboard full of boobs! There were comfy's and silicone prostheses (permanent) galore, all shapes and sizes! She's obviously done this many times before and pulled out the correct one first time! Actually it doesn't look that bad considering. After that, she went through some more exercises that I have to do from 5th July as well as "Morcambe and Wise". We talked about Lymphoedema and things I have to look out for and watch "for ever" not just while I'm healing. These include not having injections, bloods or blood pressure taken from that arm and being careful not to get any cuts or grazes in case of infection - another leaflet to add to my growing collection. Jenny popped in to say hi and check my wounds. She was pleased with how they looked, but didn't expect me to be. She's so lovely.
Then after a chat and more tears (!) it was back to the ward to wait for my drain removal and home. There was a new patient being booked in for her op, husband by her side, so I had to wait for my drain to be taken out. I was suddenly transported back to Thursday, saying bye to Chris. The new lady was busy telling her husband that the compression stockings were to stop DVDs (made me chuckle)!
Eventually, the deed was done and I settled down to wait for Chris, who I'd asked to come in for 14:00. After ringing to say he was stuck in a queue for the car park, we finally left about 14:45!
Home at last.
THURS 24th
Chris has already mentioned our morning on the ward, so I won't go over old ground. As he said, there were a few tears when it was time for him to go, it brought it all a bit closer. I changed into a rather fetching hospital gown that (yes you guessed it) didn't tie up properly at the back! Toilets, naturally were down the corridor, so my trip to the loo was interesting, as by this time visitors were starting to arrive.
I'd already had my pre-meds, which included anti-sickness tablets (I don't do sick). My "drivers" soon arrived and wheeled me off to theatre. This turned out to be in the main hospital building, so I ended up being taken on a magical mystery tour. All too soon, we arrived at our destination. I had to get off the bed in the corridor - another flash of my arse to the rest of the world! Lovely team to put me under. Jenny came in and said hello and ask me if all was.............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Next I knew I was back on the ward, on a drip with an oxygen mask over my face. Not much to say about that really, don't remember much. Vaguely recall talking to Chris and Vaughan, but not what was said (no change there then, I hear them cry!). The rest of the night was spent being woken up for obs and medication.
Friday gave me the chance to study my fellow inmates, although not for long as they all got discharged! Just as well really as the young girl in the next bed was constantly on the phone to her friends and ?ex-boyfriend. I say ex, because it wasn't a pleasant conversation. If she said "get over yourself" once, she must have said it continuously about a dozen times!
Didn't take long for 2 of the beds to be filled though - both gynae ops. Beryl, who is 89 and deaf and Annabel, married to a vet and who had just become a grandmother. Both were brilliant and made a few days bearable for me. We even managed to have a laugh - mainly at Beryl's expense as she kept waltzing off for a walk and forgetting her catheter. Annabel and I would leap out of bed (well maybe a slight exaggeration, as she had a catheter and I had drains to carry around) to warn her because she couldn't hear us shouting.
Irene, my BCN (Breast Care Nurse), came round to show me what exercises I have to do. "Morcambe and Wise" 5 times, 5 times a day.........bring me bloody sunshine!
It was interesting watching all the different nurses and student nurses and the different ways they dealt with things. Life in hospital was punctuated with medication, food, tea, coffee and beds changed daily. Menu's were given out the day before and the food was just about edible. It started at 07:00 every morning with a choice of cornflakes, rice krispies, weetabix, porridge or bread and jam (what no toast??). The main meals were served at 12:00 with sandwiches for supper at 17:00.
Visiting was twice a day and exhausting at times. Annabel said after one visit "are your family always like that? That'll definitely take your mind off things!". It's interesting to note that was the day Chris, Gaynor and Livi visited! My visitors all left me feeling very special that they'd made the effort to come and see me. My Dad even came up from Cornwall (his journey would have been even quicker, if it wasn't for other cars on the road!! tut tut). Those that were unable to visit sent very welcome text messages. I wasn't allowed to charge my phone (my charger hasn't been PAT tested like all their equipment!), so only turned it on to pick up messages.
I also managed to have sneaky peaks at the blog to see how Chris was doing! I was beginning to think my efforts would be redundant! He did a brilliant job and I think he should start his own. His thoughts and feelings were a revelation to me at times and very touching (and yes, they made me cry!). I think he's struggling with all of this and I don't know how to help him, he's all over the place. I'm sure it's just a matter of time, but he will get there.
I've loved reading all the comments, thank you.
Saturday was the first chance I got to see my new body in the mirror. Oh dear, it really did happen. I sobbed my heart out, it looks surreal, not how it's meant to be. I'm sure I'll get used to - case of having to really.
Sunday wasn't brilliant, decided to have a shower, I desperately needed to wash my hair (sorry to those who had the pleasure of seeing me with the stuck to the head style!). Stood in the shower enclosure and wondered where the hell to start! Still had 1 drain in and was asked not to get the dressings wet. Ok, so not so much a "shower" but a "dry" with a bit of wet thrown in. More tears, this was getting pathetic - just get on with it! Got there in the end and was looking forward to sitting down relaxing (again), but ended up in the loo with a dodgy tum. All got sorted in the end, stopped the Diclofenac and felt better in the afternoon. Had to say bye to Annabel, as she'd been let out for good behaviour and hello to a new inmate, 19 year old Tessa (appendectomy). Her parents were in Spain - she was at college over here, so she kept in touch with them by mobile, her Grandad visiting her. Another young girl came in with a Crohns
My drain felt like it was getting heavier, so I imagined that come Monday they would turn round and tell me it needed to stay in a bit longer. Luckily for me, when Irene, came round she found it hadn't drained much during the last 24 hours, so it was ok for me to have that out and go home!
There were, however, a few things to go through first. Irene took me and Frances (my post op mastectomy bra!) to a quiet room to fit my first temporary prosthesis (called a Comfy). We popped Fran on and then Irene went to a large cupboard full of boobs! There were comfy's and silicone prostheses (permanent) galore, all shapes and sizes! She's obviously done this many times before and pulled out the correct one first time! Actually it doesn't look that bad considering. After that, she went through some more exercises that I have to do from 5th July as well as "Morcambe and Wise". We talked about Lymphoedema and things I have to look out for and watch "for ever" not just while I'm healing. These include not having injections, bloods or blood pressure taken from that arm and being careful not to get any cuts or grazes in case of infection - another leaflet to add to my growing collection. Jenny popped in to say hi and check my wounds. She was pleased with how they looked, but didn't expect me to be. She's so lovely.
Then after a chat and more tears (!) it was back to the ward to wait for my drain removal and home. There was a new patient being booked in for her op, husband by her side, so I had to wait for my drain to be taken out. I was suddenly transported back to Thursday, saying bye to Chris. The new lady was busy telling her husband that the compression stockings were to stop DVDs (made me chuckle)!
Eventually, the deed was done and I settled down to wait for Chris, who I'd asked to come in for 14:00. After ringing to say he was stuck in a queue for the car park, we finally left about 14:45!
Home at last.
Monday, 28 June 2010
She's home
Today is the day. Called early this morning to check and she was still not certain of leaving. Slightly later got a confirmation Trace that she could leave today but didn't know when and finally got to pick her up during the afternoon visiting. So she is home. Bang go my privileges.
But I digress, I'm sure you all want to know how my whole day has been. Well no Livi this morning and the boys were as slow as usual getting ready for school. For Adam delay has become an art form and Vaughan is always ready to point this out.
Excitement during breakfast! The doorbell rang, all boys in dressing gowns scattered as a pregnant woman bearing gifts was led in tho the sitting room. No need for boiling water and no sitting either as Tracey's colleague Heidi (Helen really) handed over a few gifts before she went work. Again it is wonderful how Tracey's colleagues have rallied around.
The school journey was uneventful and I had a little time to finish a book I've been reading on the English Civil war. Parliament won and Cromwell is in charge, how come we still have a Queen? Suddenly it was all hands to the pumps as we got the coming home signal. We worked so hard Brenda managed to break the vacuum cleaner (yippee!). I am waiting for her to get us a new one. There was hardly any time for breakfast and elevenses but we did manage to fit them in. I cleaned our bedroom to within an inch of it's life and I have swapped sleeping sides. I managed to uncover a few gallons of cleaning and beauty potions. The girl doesn't need them, she shines like a star without them. Every dressing gown in the house has been refreshed and I discovered a cache of towels deep in the children's room. These are now on the line.
It is too hot for work and I have drunk gallons of coke in an effort to keep cool. The only thing I have succeeded in doing is making myself hyper-active. Not a pretty sight, like an excited beach ball.
Well I went to fetch her for 2 o'clock and was a little late. Disaster, a queue for the car park, I had to wait 20 minutes before I could go up to the ward. But in the end I picked her up and we had a quiet trip home. The family ambush us at the door and we are just readjusting to our new situation. I am returning to work tomorrow in an effort to save my leave. Brenda remains until we are all convinced that we can do the looking after without her.
So I think that's it for now. This is Tracey's blog and she will return soon to give her views on what is happening to her. I can't state too often my admiration, love and devotion to my brave and beautiful wife.
Chris xx
But I digress, I'm sure you all want to know how my whole day has been. Well no Livi this morning and the boys were as slow as usual getting ready for school. For Adam delay has become an art form and Vaughan is always ready to point this out.
Excitement during breakfast! The doorbell rang, all boys in dressing gowns scattered as a pregnant woman bearing gifts was led in tho the sitting room. No need for boiling water and no sitting either as Tracey's colleague Heidi (Helen really) handed over a few gifts before she went work. Again it is wonderful how Tracey's colleagues have rallied around.
The school journey was uneventful and I had a little time to finish a book I've been reading on the English Civil war. Parliament won and Cromwell is in charge, how come we still have a Queen? Suddenly it was all hands to the pumps as we got the coming home signal. We worked so hard Brenda managed to break the vacuum cleaner (yippee!). I am waiting for her to get us a new one. There was hardly any time for breakfast and elevenses but we did manage to fit them in. I cleaned our bedroom to within an inch of it's life and I have swapped sleeping sides. I managed to uncover a few gallons of cleaning and beauty potions. The girl doesn't need them, she shines like a star without them. Every dressing gown in the house has been refreshed and I discovered a cache of towels deep in the children's room. These are now on the line.
It is too hot for work and I have drunk gallons of coke in an effort to keep cool. The only thing I have succeeded in doing is making myself hyper-active. Not a pretty sight, like an excited beach ball.
Well I went to fetch her for 2 o'clock and was a little late. Disaster, a queue for the car park, I had to wait 20 minutes before I could go up to the ward. But in the end I picked her up and we had a quiet trip home. The family ambush us at the door and we are just readjusting to our new situation. I am returning to work tomorrow in an effort to save my leave. Brenda remains until we are all convinced that we can do the looking after without her.
So I think that's it for now. This is Tracey's blog and she will return soon to give her views on what is happening to her. I can't state too often my admiration, love and devotion to my brave and beautiful wife.
Chris xx
Sunday, 27 June 2010
It's not just England who have a bad day
Well as you can probably guess from the title it's not been such a good day for Trace. She has been feeling washed out all day and has had one of her drugs changed. For the medical staff amongst you she has been taken off Diclofenac. Visits to the toilet have been frequent.
On the plus side she has managed to have a shower, of sorts, today and has washed her hair. Again I am sure Tracey will tell you all the details when she returns to this blog.
I thought has just occurred to me, I might have to return to washing her hair for as I did for a while after her elbow break last year. I think I ended up much wetter than her most of the time. I discovered my inner hairdresser, she discovered I was useless.
Football won the day, sadly not England and Tracey's mum and dad conspired to visit in the afternoon while the big boys watched the match. I wish I'd done the visiting. Roger sped back to Cornwall and Brenda came home to tell us that Tracey was just a bit under the weather. As many people have said, we are all allowed bad days. There was some doubt about the evening visit, but our boys were insistent.
Of course the big talking point of the day was the football, how many would we win by? With all of our present upheaval I found it nearly impossible to watch the match. Even when we came back to 2-1, I just wanted to be elsewhere. After 3 and 4 went in Adam and I retreated to the sanctuary of the pool. I dragged myself round in circles and flashed the 6 pack. Adam followed me around and made sure I was fully wet. In the end it was quite refreshing.
The visit was very good, Tracey had recovered a bit from the afternoon and was in much better spirits. We talked, we laughed. Vaughan and Adam talked too much and I was grumpy. This illness is doing wonders for my grumpy old man credentials. I now have Tracey's washing and her old newspapers. She has a new book to read.
Again hopefully she will be home tomorrow. There is still a problem with the remaining drain and she is feeling a "bit sore". "Bit sore" I would be screaming for painkillers. Hopefully she can get over all this. Her bed awaits her.
Tomorrow is a school day, no boys but a chance of Olivia coming in from the West. She may accompanied by Sam. I don't think I can go to work while Trace is still "inside". I will contact work at some point tomorrow. I quite fancy being a lady who lunches again.
Well hope for better news soon. At least we won the cricket.
Chris
On the plus side she has managed to have a shower, of sorts, today and has washed her hair. Again I am sure Tracey will tell you all the details when she returns to this blog.
I thought has just occurred to me, I might have to return to washing her hair for as I did for a while after her elbow break last year. I think I ended up much wetter than her most of the time. I discovered my inner hairdresser, she discovered I was useless.
Football won the day, sadly not England and Tracey's mum and dad conspired to visit in the afternoon while the big boys watched the match. I wish I'd done the visiting. Roger sped back to Cornwall and Brenda came home to tell us that Tracey was just a bit under the weather. As many people have said, we are all allowed bad days. There was some doubt about the evening visit, but our boys were insistent.
Of course the big talking point of the day was the football, how many would we win by? With all of our present upheaval I found it nearly impossible to watch the match. Even when we came back to 2-1, I just wanted to be elsewhere. After 3 and 4 went in Adam and I retreated to the sanctuary of the pool. I dragged myself round in circles and flashed the 6 pack. Adam followed me around and made sure I was fully wet. In the end it was quite refreshing.
The visit was very good, Tracey had recovered a bit from the afternoon and was in much better spirits. We talked, we laughed. Vaughan and Adam talked too much and I was grumpy. This illness is doing wonders for my grumpy old man credentials. I now have Tracey's washing and her old newspapers. She has a new book to read.
Again hopefully she will be home tomorrow. There is still a problem with the remaining drain and she is feeling a "bit sore". "Bit sore" I would be screaming for painkillers. Hopefully she can get over all this. Her bed awaits her.
Tomorrow is a school day, no boys but a chance of Olivia coming in from the West. She may accompanied by Sam. I don't think I can go to work while Trace is still "inside". I will contact work at some point tomorrow. I quite fancy being a lady who lunches again.
Well hope for better news soon. At least we won the cricket.
Chris
Not Today
Well despite my optimism Tracey will not be out today. She text to confirm this earlier today. This leaves us with one big question, who will visit during the the big match? It's a real dilemma this. I suppose though when you think of it if England lose, I don't want to see it and if they win we've got the next match to look forward to.
Problem solved! Bren has decided she will go at 3 and leave us to do the watching. Get the beers in!
I hope this is not too much of a blow to Tracey, 1 or 2 days does not make a lot of difference. It will take a lot more than this to dampen her spirits.
Well it's 11:30, 2 are still in bed and Bren is in her rollers. Breakfast is on the way, beans on toast with an egg on top. It's like living in a hotel. The filter has been turned on in the fish pond and the pool filter has been switched on as well. I am mentally preparing for a dip.
The bedroom is due a muck out and has to be rearranged, we are swapping sides as I normally sleep next to the evil breast. This means some movement of furniture, bedside cabinets etc. That should see me through to match time. Also a visit to Sainsbury's is on the cards, we are running out of everything.
I think that's all for this update. No, no, eldest boy has now appeared, just the daughter to go. Now I have to find somewhere quiet to hide.
Chris xx
Problem solved! Bren has decided she will go at 3 and leave us to do the watching. Get the beers in!
I hope this is not too much of a blow to Tracey, 1 or 2 days does not make a lot of difference. It will take a lot more than this to dampen her spirits.
Well it's 11:30, 2 are still in bed and Bren is in her rollers. Breakfast is on the way, beans on toast with an egg on top. It's like living in a hotel. The filter has been turned on in the fish pond and the pool filter has been switched on as well. I am mentally preparing for a dip.
The bedroom is due a muck out and has to be rearranged, we are swapping sides as I normally sleep next to the evil breast. This means some movement of furniture, bedside cabinets etc. That should see me through to match time. Also a visit to Sainsbury's is on the cards, we are running out of everything.
I think that's all for this update. No, no, eldest boy has now appeared, just the daughter to go. Now I have to find somewhere quiet to hide.
Chris xx
Saturday, 26 June 2010
It's hot
First the good news, Tracey might be out of hospital tomorrow!!! She has had a drain removed and depending on the condition of the other drain escape may be imminent. Of course this is just the start and we won't really have an idea of where she stands until her first breast clinic on the 6th July but we would all love to get her home. She needs to regain her strength with her family round her. She needs to be part of the arguments, shouting, fighting, love and affection again. Nothing quite like a good scream for repairing tissue.
So today was a good day, we were off afternoon visiting duties to allow Roger and Chris to see her. Roger had driven up from Cornwall and Chris came across from Thornbury for the visit. Tracey really enjoyed seeing them and a real bonus, Chris brought his Ipad to the the hospital. Go-go gadget Tinsley is smitten. there may well be a new arrival in the family in the near future.
So today was a good day, we were off afternoon visiting duties to allow Roger and Chris to see her. Roger had driven up from Cornwall and Chris came across from Thornbury for the visit. Tracey really enjoyed seeing them and a real bonus, Chris brought his Ipad to the the hospital. Go-go gadget Tinsley is smitten. there may well be a new arrival in the family in the near future.
Meanwhile there was activity in Tinsley Towers. The heat was too much, much to much. After mooching around in the garden I decided it was time for the pool to have its 2010 debut. Bought for us by Roger and Brenda in 2006 I have no idea how it has survived, but it has. After a short argument with Vaughan, I disturbed his sunbathing, I pumped up the ring (sounds like a bit like porno movie) and began the filling process at about 12:30. Nearly 5 hours later it was full. How cold was it? Freezing! But Adam and I (for a very little time) have had our first dip of the season. Also Brenda has managed to cock her leg over and dipped in her swollen foot and knee. No pictures of that but I do have on of her sat next to the pool with Adam in.
Can you spot the mess of a garden?
The evening was the first chance for the mad welsh woman and demented colleague of Tracey's Gaynor to visit. She kindly gave Olivia and I a lift. My knuckles are still white after an incident involving a bus and an ambulance. I'm sure the shakes will eventually go. I now look at Bath as not a beautiful Georgian city but as one large potential car crash.
The visit was uplifting, we even lasted until a bit after 8. Gaynor's madness is infectious and Tracey laughed, a lot. Funny thing families, children in particular, it is strange how their foibles are repeated again and again and again and in every family.
Tracey was tired but happy. She is "bunking" with an old lady and a lady from Laycock so there is no chance of her getting away with a snore. It's manners all the way. The time passed very quickly.
The drive back was a little less frightening and Olivia immediately drove to a friends house and stayed out till late. We watched a little football and the cracking finale to the present series of Dr Who. The new doctor has grown on me. I think he is OK, not a patch on Tennant but much better than most of the rest. And that's it, another day done.
I shall be up early for a swim and expect breakfast in bed, I just have to run it past Brenda.
Ta ta
Chris
The changes in Tinsleyville
This is just a short "state of play" piece before I do the state of health mainliner this evening.
For the first time in a few weeks I can report that the homebound Tinsley's all seem to have had a good night's sleep. Brenda (not a Tinsley) was first up, I didn't emerge until 9:00 Adam and Vaughan much later. Watched a bit of Rugby and had 2 wonderful egg and bacon baps courtesy of the new house chef. She is at the moment teaching Adam life skills in breakfast preparation.
I have just been doing yet more completely unnecessary work in my disaster of a garden. The fish pond is fine and the rabbits look healthy. All the pots are watered and there is a chance that Olivia might wash the cars, first time in months.
Roger and Chris are visiting this afternoon which should be fun and me Gaynor and Olivia plan to go this evening, perhaps I can last past 7:30, who knows.
Brenda is in fine fettle, we know we have a lot of hard times in front of us and that we will have good and bad days but there is great relief that the op is over. It feels like a start.
Brenda and I spent an hour at the end of the day in the garden chewing the fat. We looked at the stars and planes and even what might have been a satellite passing over. Sometimes you forget the joy of the quiet moments. Who knows by the end of this Brenda might just be my best mate! (No, no that is going toooooo far!). I think Vaughan and I are winning the political argument and she will be voting Labour by the time she leaves.
What I am trying to say and Churchill said it much better, is that to me we are at the start of the end of this. I know that this is optimistic and I am usually a half empty person but this time I am positive. Long live life.
That's me done for now and a cup of tea is on the way, the service is very good at the moment. Chippenham beckons this afternoon. Life outside the RUH is not half bad at the mo.
Chris
For the first time in a few weeks I can report that the homebound Tinsley's all seem to have had a good night's sleep. Brenda (not a Tinsley) was first up, I didn't emerge until 9:00 Adam and Vaughan much later. Watched a bit of Rugby and had 2 wonderful egg and bacon baps courtesy of the new house chef. She is at the moment teaching Adam life skills in breakfast preparation.
I have just been doing yet more completely unnecessary work in my disaster of a garden. The fish pond is fine and the rabbits look healthy. All the pots are watered and there is a chance that Olivia might wash the cars, first time in months.
Roger and Chris are visiting this afternoon which should be fun and me Gaynor and Olivia plan to go this evening, perhaps I can last past 7:30, who knows.
Brenda is in fine fettle, we know we have a lot of hard times in front of us and that we will have good and bad days but there is great relief that the op is over. It feels like a start.
Brenda and I spent an hour at the end of the day in the garden chewing the fat. We looked at the stars and planes and even what might have been a satellite passing over. Sometimes you forget the joy of the quiet moments. Who knows by the end of this Brenda might just be my best mate! (No, no that is going toooooo far!). I think Vaughan and I are winning the political argument and she will be voting Labour by the time she leaves.
What I am trying to say and Churchill said it much better, is that to me we are at the start of the end of this. I know that this is optimistic and I am usually a half empty person but this time I am positive. Long live life.
That's me done for now and a cup of tea is on the way, the service is very good at the moment. Chippenham beckons this afternoon. Life outside the RUH is not half bad at the mo.
Chris
Friday, 25 June 2010
Recovery, Day 1
Well its "M" + 1 or Ghost 2, which ever you prefer (and that's the last time I shall use either of those phrases). First a correction, Tracey's surgeon is Jenny Smith not Jane.
Just to put you all at ease from the start, the operation went well and Tracey is looking and doing fine. The first day of her recovery was a success. I rang the ward in the morning to find out how she was, she was having a wash and we couldn't speak, but it was a good sign that she was up and about.
Today was the day for her Mummy to visit so Mummy and granddaughter did the 2:00 to 3:30 stint with a little bit of help from her good friend Sue Bally who gave directions and is going on holiday this weekend so it was her only chance to see Trace. I believe a lot of talking was done and they definitely overstayed visiting time by a long while. I have no idea what they talked about but Tracey was so tired after they left she immediately fell asleep.
Of course the big event of the day was the visit by the boys in the evening. This was Adams first chance to see his mum since the op. She looked tired but all three of us gathered round the bed. We talked, about Adams day at a school conference, ending up with a debate in the council chamber at County Hall and also Vaughans adventures in Bath as part of his GCSE course. We swapped witty banter and she looked relaxed. We admired her new pyjamas and she complained that they used to fit properly. I'm not sure how she came to that conclusion as I don't think she tried them on before hospital. She has a pillow case by her side in to which all the horrors of the universe drain, apparently the drains are getting clearer, which should be a good sign. She has a tale to tell about going to the toilet, I shall leave her to recount that one.
Anyway the witty banter continued as Adam and Vaughan tried out the telly, phone, Internet connection consul which is at her bedside and I tried to pull that erudite conversation from the depths of my consciousness that would keep my wife entertained for the rest of the day. I think we know where this ends, The girls go miles over their time at her bedside and the boys leave half an hour early with nothing left to say. She was tired though in our defense. I think tomorrow we will go with a boy girl mix although I don't want it to get in the way of watching Dr Who.
Tracey already has her next consultation lined up for the 6th July and we won't know anything about the results until then. She had a visit from her clinic nurse Irene during the day who was, as always, wonderful. She also had a flying visit from her Consultant with some children, sorry doctors, in tow. Even the doctors look young nowadays (not you Rob).
So I think at the moment all she can do is heal. She remains as funny and as beautiful as ever, with the glint in her eye not diminished one bit. We are not sure when she is going to leave hospital but I will let you all know. The sooner she comes home the better.
As for the rest of us, I have already mentioned Adam and Vaughans day. Livi drove me to college and had a driving lesson later and yes she does accelerate too fast as her instructor confirmed. Brenda and I were ladies who lunch for the day, having a fine tea/coffee and a piece of cake at Hartleys near Winsley which was quiet and beautiful. We saw a young lady doing dressage on a horse and looked at some chickens and rabbits. Oh how I love the country. It was a good time to talk away from everyone.
Now I am going to have another beer.
Chris
Thursday, 24 June 2010
It's that day
Well it's "M" day and Tracey's blog is being ghost written by her husband. I've been told to keep it simple as she wants to fill in all of the details from her perspective.
We got up very early, 5:45 to make sure we got to the Hospital in Bath by our 7:30 start time. Adam was going to London, Mum was taking him to school for 7:00 and Olivia was up to say good luck. Vaughan sensibly stayed in bed having said good luck the previous night. It could have been a lot more chaotic. Traffic was light, nobody else was up.
We arrive 7:15 ish and after a little wait saw the surgeon, Jane Smith, who was lovely. At this point we were told that she was on the afternoon list and we had to wait for a bed. 4 hours later hungry, thirsty and , to cap it all, after watching everyone have dinner Tracey was shown to her bed. It was a long wait. Tracey went through all the formality's, forms, blood pressure, pulse and some very fetching stockings and was told she was first on the list at 1:30. After all the waiting we were in a rush and I had to say bye bye. My wife is very lovely and very strong but for almost the first time there were a few tears. The High quality Superdrug tissues fell to pieces under the strain, quality counts. And that was it I was off and she was in.
I drove home, at this point a slight complaint, why is it that whenever you don't want a call your mobile rings and whenever you want, need, desire to talk to someone they don't hear it ring. I made 4 calls to mobiles on the way home (when my car was stopped) and nobody answered (you know who you are!). So I went home to wait. Contact was soon made with most of the important parties and life has been a sucession of calls from concerned people for the rest of the day. I'm sure we will talk to you all soon.
So we waited, at 5:45 I phoned and was told that it had all gone well and that we could visit. Vaughan and I went, "2 visitors only please" on the signs. A very sleepy Tracey looked like a beautiful angel lying in bed in her hospital gown. Only 2 visible tubes and 1 missing breast. Thank god the evil breast has gone! My wife is back. She was so tired and falling asleep, Vaughan and I left after 30 minutes.
I had a chat with the nurse, all went well, will know more tomorrow when the doc does the rounds. I will write more then. And thats, that.
I am now drinking a beer and dreaming of football and bed. Will write more tomorrow. I leave you with a photo of Trace and the kids having fun at Kingston Lacey at the weekend.
We got up very early, 5:45 to make sure we got to the Hospital in Bath by our 7:30 start time. Adam was going to London, Mum was taking him to school for 7:00 and Olivia was up to say good luck. Vaughan sensibly stayed in bed having said good luck the previous night. It could have been a lot more chaotic. Traffic was light, nobody else was up.
We arrive 7:15 ish and after a little wait saw the surgeon, Jane Smith, who was lovely. At this point we were told that she was on the afternoon list and we had to wait for a bed. 4 hours later hungry, thirsty and , to cap it all, after watching everyone have dinner Tracey was shown to her bed. It was a long wait. Tracey went through all the formality's, forms, blood pressure, pulse and some very fetching stockings and was told she was first on the list at 1:30. After all the waiting we were in a rush and I had to say bye bye. My wife is very lovely and very strong but for almost the first time there were a few tears. The High quality Superdrug tissues fell to pieces under the strain, quality counts. And that was it I was off and she was in.
I drove home, at this point a slight complaint, why is it that whenever you don't want a call your mobile rings and whenever you want, need, desire to talk to someone they don't hear it ring. I made 4 calls to mobiles on the way home (when my car was stopped) and nobody answered (you know who you are!). So I went home to wait. Contact was soon made with most of the important parties and life has been a sucession of calls from concerned people for the rest of the day. I'm sure we will talk to you all soon.
So we waited, at 5:45 I phoned and was told that it had all gone well and that we could visit. Vaughan and I went, "2 visitors only please" on the signs. A very sleepy Tracey looked like a beautiful angel lying in bed in her hospital gown. Only 2 visible tubes and 1 missing breast. Thank god the evil breast has gone! My wife is back. She was so tired and falling asleep, Vaughan and I left after 30 minutes.
I had a chat with the nurse, all went well, will know more tomorrow when the doc does the rounds. I will write more then. And thats, that.
I am now drinking a beer and dreaming of football and bed. Will write more tomorrow. I leave you with a photo of Trace and the kids having fun at Kingston Lacey at the weekend.
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Not long now
Wednesday 23rd - the day before I go in for surgery. Mum and I took the kids to school and then came home for a lovely brekkie. Livi was home, supposed to be doing college work, but I had to kick her out of bed first! Eventually she got on the computer. We had a leisurely morning, before going out to lunch - Mum, Livi, me and Chris, who had come home unexpectedly. Ah, thought I, maybe he's getting anxious too. No chance, England were playing at 15:00. I should've known.
Got back from lunch and Mum and I went to pick the kids up while Chris and Livi watched the football. After the match, Livi, who's learning to drive, drove herself to work (we did accompany her!). Then Chris and I went on to pick up a few provisions for my hospital stay. I don't want to go............
Thank you to everyone who has emailed, texted, phoned and hugged their love and best wishes. I am gobsmacked by how many people care. All your support will help me through this.
Chris will be posting each day to let you know how I'm getting on and I'll continue when I get home.
Let battle commence....................!
Got back from lunch and Mum and I went to pick the kids up while Chris and Livi watched the football. After the match, Livi, who's learning to drive, drove herself to work (we did accompany her!). Then Chris and I went on to pick up a few provisions for my hospital stay. I don't want to go............
Thank you to everyone who has emailed, texted, phoned and hugged their love and best wishes. I am gobsmacked by how many people care. All your support will help me through this.
Chris will be posting each day to let you know how I'm getting on and I'll continue when I get home.
Let battle commence....................!
Last couple of days at work............for now!
The weekend was over too quickly and it was back to work. I'd arranged to go in for Monday and Tuesday - I still had a few things to clear up and pass on. I had this idea that if I found it too difficult (Friday was hard clearing my desk), I'd ask Gaynor if I could have Tuesday off too and not tell anyone! How cowardly is that??? Anyway it didn't come to that in the end, I was better than I thought I'd be on Monday.
Tuesday was a different matter! I had lots of people wishing me all the best and some lovely cards and presents (thank you so much). As I've said before, I'm so lucky to work with such lovely caring people. Saying bye at the end of the day wasn't easy - tears again. Had to pull myself together though, I had the kids to pick up! I love how life brings me down to earth.
Later on that evening, my bestest friend, Sue, came round. Chris had taken Adam and her son to Futsal training, so I kicked the other two out and for the first time since all of this started, we had chance to talk on our own. Sue kindly brought a present for me - a book to read...............Exectution................that'll take my mind off things!! Thank you sweetie, I'm looking forward to that.
Finally my mummy arrived about 22:30, with cakes! Was falling asleep on the sofa at the time, but woke up, had a cuppa and then left her downstairs with Chris and Livi and went to bed!
Sunday, 20 June 2010
Good days and bad days
Saturday started off quite pathetically really and didn't get much better.
Chris was still dozing so I thought I'd play around on my phone, check emails etc. I'd received an email from a friend of Mum's. It was lovely, very supportive and telling me how brave I am. Well, that started me off. I tried to do it quietly, honestly, hiding my face in the pillow, but as I couldn't breathe I had to come up for air occasionally! This woke Chris up and I ended up sobbing all over him, the pillow, the bed, everywhere! It's not a pretty site when I start, I can assure you.
The day continued along the same vein. Another lovely email (thanks Auntie M), more texts, more tears. Please don't stop sending them because they make me cry. All the females in my family are wet; my aunt, my cousin, me and latterly my mum (she's a late starter!).
I am blown away by the support, care and love that everyone has shown. I hate this disease for what it's doing to my family and friends. Unfortunately, I've got it now and I can't change that. I just have to deal with it as best I can. I don't want to live in a bubble, where life revolves around cancer. Life goes on and that's good.
It was a quiet day on Saturday, I obviously had too much time to think! It got better though, because I had to rush around with the boys to get a Father's Day present!! Like I say, life goes on - thank god!
Today, Sunday, was much better. No tears..........yet (ha ha). We went to Kingston Lacy, a National Trust property in Dorset. Managed to persuade Livi to ask for the day off, so she came too.
It was a more normal day - well normal for us! We didn't have enough bread for sarnies, so had to go to Sainsburys on route. Then realised we'd forgotten the sun screen so had to go back home. I would normally get stressed at this, but not today - loved it!
We had a really lovely day. Vaughan drew the short straw and came round the house with me. They all joke that I spend at least an hour in each room when I visit National Trust properties. We compromised, I promised I'd be quicker, if he'd be slower. It took us about an hour and a quarter to do the whole house. Was positively dazed by the sheer speed!
Met up with Chris, Livi and Adam and trooped off to the Japanese garden, via the ice cream kiosk. Kids were getting fed up by this time, but Chris insisted we go - it was Father's Day after all! The gardens and park are lovely.
Then all too soon, we were back driving through the beautiful Dorset countryside towards home. Back to football and cricket!!
Work beckons tomorrow, only another couple of days left before I go off - not looking forward to finishing. But, hey, I need to do this to get better!
Chris was still dozing so I thought I'd play around on my phone, check emails etc. I'd received an email from a friend of Mum's. It was lovely, very supportive and telling me how brave I am. Well, that started me off. I tried to do it quietly, honestly, hiding my face in the pillow, but as I couldn't breathe I had to come up for air occasionally! This woke Chris up and I ended up sobbing all over him, the pillow, the bed, everywhere! It's not a pretty site when I start, I can assure you.
The day continued along the same vein. Another lovely email (thanks Auntie M), more texts, more tears. Please don't stop sending them because they make me cry. All the females in my family are wet; my aunt, my cousin, me and latterly my mum (she's a late starter!).
I am blown away by the support, care and love that everyone has shown. I hate this disease for what it's doing to my family and friends. Unfortunately, I've got it now and I can't change that. I just have to deal with it as best I can. I don't want to live in a bubble, where life revolves around cancer. Life goes on and that's good.
It was a quiet day on Saturday, I obviously had too much time to think! It got better though, because I had to rush around with the boys to get a Father's Day present!! Like I say, life goes on - thank god!
Today, Sunday, was much better. No tears..........yet (ha ha). We went to Kingston Lacy, a National Trust property in Dorset. Managed to persuade Livi to ask for the day off, so she came too.
It was a more normal day - well normal for us! We didn't have enough bread for sarnies, so had to go to Sainsburys on route. Then realised we'd forgotten the sun screen so had to go back home. I would normally get stressed at this, but not today - loved it!
We had a really lovely day. Vaughan drew the short straw and came round the house with me. They all joke that I spend at least an hour in each room when I visit National Trust properties. We compromised, I promised I'd be quicker, if he'd be slower. It took us about an hour and a quarter to do the whole house. Was positively dazed by the sheer speed!
Met up with Chris, Livi and Adam and trooped off to the Japanese garden, via the ice cream kiosk. Kids were getting fed up by this time, but Chris insisted we go - it was Father's Day after all! The gardens and park are lovely.
Then all too soon, we were back driving through the beautiful Dorset countryside towards home. Back to football and cricket!!
Work beckons tomorrow, only another couple of days left before I go off - not looking forward to finishing. But, hey, I need to do this to get better!
Friday, 18 June 2010
Jan's funeral - Friday 18th June
Sat here with a glass (large!) of rose, toasting Jan and reflecting on the last couple of days. (This could get emotional!)
Yesterday (17th) was brilliantly "normal". I'm aware that these will be few and far between in the months to come and so when they happen I am thankful. Started off by Chris creeping up on me in the shower and pressing his face against the door - think most of the town heard me shriek and the language (sorry Mum)! Sod! Kids to run to school and college and then work.
Caroline very kindly and gently (thank you Caroline) took my bloods for RUH (got it first time!) and my blood pressure. 1, 2, 3rd time lucky - have quite a nice reading there to ring in on Monday!
Gaynor and I sat down and went through a few things that I need to hand over before I go off on my cancer sabbatical - or sick leave as we know it. It's very strange having to think of things that I need to pass on to other people. It's my work! They'll be brilliant at it though. They'll find out they can quite happily do things without me and wonder exactly what they needed me for in the first place!
Once the kids had all been picked up and Livi dropped off at work, I met Chris for some pyjama shopping. Didn't find any so had to come home and order some online from good old M&S. Forgot to say, I ordered my first post op mastectomy bra on Wednesday - a rather fetching little frumpy number called Frances (!!!!!!!). Soooo tired, but didn't have time to nap 'til bedtime!
Finally, Friday and time for us to say goodbye to our Jan.
We printed a photo off that I'd taken of her during her last week at work, for Lynne to give to her family. Then I set about clearing my desk - I live in organised chaos! I know where everything is, but I don't think anyone else will. That was hard, I feel like I'm clearing it forever. I'M NOT THOUGH - you can't get rid of me that easily! More to do on Monday. Didn't get chance to get my blood pressure checked - will tell them I had a funeral to go to so thought it would be high.
Jan's funeral was at 14:00. We left a skeleton staff in the surgery (thanks to Marcia, Danna and Adrian) and everyone else attended. The service was short and simple. Had to check myself a few times. I knew if I started crying I would embark on a marathon session. There were some lovely memories from Jan's daughters and partner. Jan was unique, a one off. She was warm, loyal, caring and most of all for me a very funny lady. She had us crying with laughter at her tales. We will all miss her so very very much.
Got home and "Frances" had arrived. Couldn't wait to try it on (!). Oh joy - it's too big! It'll be even bigger after Thursday, so I'd better send it back and get a smaller size!
A close friend, Jaqs, came round tonight with love, hugs and support and most importantly a bottle of red! (I've changed the comment settings Jaqs, so you should be able to post now!) Thank goodness she cheered me up, the football's dire!
Anyway I have an empty glass.....................Cheers Jan.
Yesterday (17th) was brilliantly "normal". I'm aware that these will be few and far between in the months to come and so when they happen I am thankful. Started off by Chris creeping up on me in the shower and pressing his face against the door - think most of the town heard me shriek and the language (sorry Mum)! Sod! Kids to run to school and college and then work.
Caroline very kindly and gently (thank you Caroline) took my bloods for RUH (got it first time!) and my blood pressure. 1, 2, 3rd time lucky - have quite a nice reading there to ring in on Monday!
Gaynor and I sat down and went through a few things that I need to hand over before I go off on my cancer sabbatical - or sick leave as we know it. It's very strange having to think of things that I need to pass on to other people. It's my work! They'll be brilliant at it though. They'll find out they can quite happily do things without me and wonder exactly what they needed me for in the first place!
Once the kids had all been picked up and Livi dropped off at work, I met Chris for some pyjama shopping. Didn't find any so had to come home and order some online from good old M&S. Forgot to say, I ordered my first post op mastectomy bra on Wednesday - a rather fetching little frumpy number called Frances (!!!!!!!). Soooo tired, but didn't have time to nap 'til bedtime!
Finally, Friday and time for us to say goodbye to our Jan.
We printed a photo off that I'd taken of her during her last week at work, for Lynne to give to her family. Then I set about clearing my desk - I live in organised chaos! I know where everything is, but I don't think anyone else will. That was hard, I feel like I'm clearing it forever. I'M NOT THOUGH - you can't get rid of me that easily! More to do on Monday. Didn't get chance to get my blood pressure checked - will tell them I had a funeral to go to so thought it would be high.
Jan's funeral was at 14:00. We left a skeleton staff in the surgery (thanks to Marcia, Danna and Adrian) and everyone else attended. The service was short and simple. Had to check myself a few times. I knew if I started crying I would embark on a marathon session. There were some lovely memories from Jan's daughters and partner. Jan was unique, a one off. She was warm, loyal, caring and most of all for me a very funny lady. She had us crying with laughter at her tales. We will all miss her so very very much.
Got home and "Frances" had arrived. Couldn't wait to try it on (!). Oh joy - it's too big! It'll be even bigger after Thursday, so I'd better send it back and get a smaller size!
A close friend, Jaqs, came round tonight with love, hugs and support and most importantly a bottle of red! (I've changed the comment settings Jaqs, so you should be able to post now!) Thank goodness she cheered me up, the football's dire!
Anyway I have an empty glass.....................Cheers Jan.
Thursday, 17 June 2010
Pre-op assessment - Wednesday 16th June
Had to go on my own this morning for a 09:00 appointment at the RUH. Chris had the kids to ferry about. Mmmmmm......Park and Ride or chance parking on site? I decided to sod it and try parking there, after all RUH came first nationally for parking!
It was early and there were loads of spaces in the Red Car Park. Brilliant so far so good. Found the unit easily enough too. Filled out my form and then went with the Healthcare Assistant to a small ward with about 6 beds in it. She was lovely and tried her best to put me at ease.
Unfortunately my blood pressure and pulse decided not to listen! So then it was whip your top off and we'll do an ECG. That was fine, so another reading was taken and the bp had come down.....a bit. Then height and weight (good job she didn't take my bp after that!).
Right now bloods (here we go!). Turns out my veins weren't playing ball either. She finally managed with a butterfly clip in the back of my wrist. It did make me wonder how they'll manage with chemo! Don't think of that - one day at a time.
After all that I went and had a chat with a nurse about my op date, where to go, what support I have at home etc and "oh,we'll just take your bp again before you go"! Still not brilliant. The nurse asked if I could have it taken Thurs, Fri and Mon and ring her with the readings. She didn't think they'd cancel the op.............what????!! They'd better not - I need this evil thing taken out ASAP! She also asked if I could get a blood test done and sent off as it needed to be done within 7 days of surgery and this is day 8! A favour to ask at work, I think.
Anyway, finally finished and pootled off home. Chris was working from home, so we decided to go to the garden centre for lunch. The roast pork dinner was yummy!
Have to admit to coming home and dozing for 1/2 an hour. I'm convinced that anything that's involved with this breast cancer makes my body want to shut off and go to sleep! I seem to be completely shattered after each hospital visit. Wish I could sleep through all the treatment and wake up well!
Gaynor came round later and we discussed my sick leave etc. At least I know what to expect now. We had a good natter about work and I made her promise to keep me in touch with what's going on. I will miss it soooo much. Depending on my recovery though, I may be able to work from home at times, which will keep me from climbing the walls.
Thanks for all the encouragement for today. One step closer to getting better.
It was early and there were loads of spaces in the Red Car Park. Brilliant so far so good. Found the unit easily enough too. Filled out my form and then went with the Healthcare Assistant to a small ward with about 6 beds in it. She was lovely and tried her best to put me at ease.
Unfortunately my blood pressure and pulse decided not to listen! So then it was whip your top off and we'll do an ECG. That was fine, so another reading was taken and the bp had come down.....a bit. Then height and weight (good job she didn't take my bp after that!).
Right now bloods (here we go!). Turns out my veins weren't playing ball either. She finally managed with a butterfly clip in the back of my wrist. It did make me wonder how they'll manage with chemo! Don't think of that - one day at a time.
After all that I went and had a chat with a nurse about my op date, where to go, what support I have at home etc and "oh,we'll just take your bp again before you go"! Still not brilliant. The nurse asked if I could have it taken Thurs, Fri and Mon and ring her with the readings. She didn't think they'd cancel the op.............what????!! They'd better not - I need this evil thing taken out ASAP! She also asked if I could get a blood test done and sent off as it needed to be done within 7 days of surgery and this is day 8! A favour to ask at work, I think.
Anyway, finally finished and pootled off home. Chris was working from home, so we decided to go to the garden centre for lunch. The roast pork dinner was yummy!
Have to admit to coming home and dozing for 1/2 an hour. I'm convinced that anything that's involved with this breast cancer makes my body want to shut off and go to sleep! I seem to be completely shattered after each hospital visit. Wish I could sleep through all the treatment and wake up well!
Gaynor came round later and we discussed my sick leave etc. At least I know what to expect now. We had a good natter about work and I made her promise to keep me in touch with what's going on. I will miss it soooo much. Depending on my recovery though, I may be able to work from home at times, which will keep me from climbing the walls.
Thanks for all the encouragement for today. One step closer to getting better.
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
Back to work - Monday 14th June
Bit apprehensive about going in and facing everyone. Gaynor told them at a staff meeting last week. Had lots of texts of support, flowers and cards. I'm lucky to work with such a close, caring bunch of people. I had lots of cuddles and offers of support and life is normal again for a while.
Have my pre-op assessment to look forward to on Wednesday morning. Chris has to do the school/college run, so I'm going on my own. Gaynor's popping round in the afternoon so we can discuss my sick leave.
Still seems surreal.
Have my pre-op assessment to look forward to on Wednesday morning. Chris has to do the school/college run, so I'm going on my own. Gaynor's popping round in the afternoon so we can discuss my sick leave.
Still seems surreal.
Have I really been told I have breast cancer?
It all seems a bit surreal. I'm not quite sure what I expected - to feel different perhaps? I don't feel different though. Apart from a sore and bruised boob and thinking every ache and pain is cancer, I'm still me and life goes on.
I have to put it in perspective. I've got it, I can't change that, I just have to deal with it in the most effective way. The worst part has been seeing people I love and care for in pain, because they don't want me to suffer. That's when the tears come for me, when I think of my family and friends' pain. I'm glad it's me that's having the treatment, I think that's easier to cope with in some ways.
Mum went back home Thursday lunchtime. Work very kindly said I could take all the time I needed and I did need it. I was able to go to pieces on my own, very noisily, very messily (is that a word?) and it made me feel better. My kids'll tell you how easily I cry - ask them about Bicentennial Man! I'm getting very good at switching it off before it starts now though.
Plan to go back to work on Monday.
I have to put it in perspective. I've got it, I can't change that, I just have to deal with it in the most effective way. The worst part has been seeing people I love and care for in pain, because they don't want me to suffer. That's when the tears come for me, when I think of my family and friends' pain. I'm glad it's me that's having the treatment, I think that's easier to cope with in some ways.
Mum went back home Thursday lunchtime. Work very kindly said I could take all the time I needed and I did need it. I was able to go to pieces on my own, very noisily, very messily (is that a word?) and it made me feel better. My kids'll tell you how easily I cry - ask them about Bicentennial Man! I'm getting very good at switching it off before it starts now though.
Plan to go back to work on Monday.
Results day - Tuesday 8th June
Mum came up on Monday evening. She wanted to be around when I got the results.
I'd taken the day off, but my appointment wasn't until 16:00. Chris went into work in the morning, so Mum and I decided to have a lazy day. We started off with breakfast in Leekes and lunch at Allington Farm shop! Had a lovely day with my mummy, right up until Chris and I went to RUH!
We decided to go Park and Ride again (!). Chris went the wrong way and we ended up driving in pouring rain. I don't think either of us were thinking straight.
Got to RUH with 5 minutes to spare, so didn't have time to buy a paper or magazines. Sat in the waiting room people watching instead (my favourite pastime!). We didn't have to wait long and were shown into the same tiny room as last time. Mr Maddox came in and so did Irene my Breast Care Nurse. One chair for me to sit in, so Chris, Mr M and Irene had to stand. Then he told us the news.
I can only remember snipets now "it's as we thought", "multifocal", "mastectomy - no other choice", "lymph nodes affected", "possibly chemo, radiotherapy, hormone treatment", "wouldn't recommend reconstruction for at least 12 months", "off work for at least 9 months", "will get a date for surgery now for you". I was hoping I was looking calm and collected as he delivered his sentence - that's what it felt like, a life sentence or worse. I remember asking a few questions, trying my hardest not to let anyone hear my voice cracking.
Then Irene took us into the "private room". A larger room with more chairs and plenty of tissues. She brought me a folder full of leaflets and information and showed me one for young women suffering from breast cancer (see I keep telling you Chris I AM STILL YOUNG!). By this time I couldn't control the tears any longer and sobbed. We talked a little about the mastectomy and having a prosthesis. Chris put his request in for a Jordan sized one! But I pointed out that it may look a little strange next to the Tracey sized one. Irene said if I was feeling tired and he was feeling fruity, I could whip it out, chuck it over to him and tell him to get on with it. So there is laughter after diagnosis! Humour's always played an important part in my life and it's this that will help me cope. After getting me a date and time for my pre-op assessment (16th June 09:15) we were on our way out. I discovered I'd left my handbag in there, so naturally made Chris go back and get it!
Right, breathe - who to tell first? Mum was doing the school/college run, but I knew she'd be waiting to hear. I caught her sitting in the car park with all the kids in the car, having just picked Vaughan up. I kept it very very brief, just telling her it was bad news and that I'd explain more when we got home. I knew she'd be upset straight away, so said she needed to tell the kids. I promised them last time I wouldn't lie to them. Then rang Dad and Heather - "oh, Tracey Jane, you poor love." Then I had to pull myself together, the bus had arrived - bloody Park and Ride!
Adam had gone to football practice, so I'd have to tell him when he got back, but I sat Mum, Livi and Vaughan down and explained as best as I could remember (Chris had written a few things down) what was what. Told Adam when he got home and then spent the rest of the evening on the phone telling lots of other people. I slept well that night - ok, ok, I admit it, I've never had a problem sleeping!
I'd taken the day off, but my appointment wasn't until 16:00. Chris went into work in the morning, so Mum and I decided to have a lazy day. We started off with breakfast in Leekes and lunch at Allington Farm shop! Had a lovely day with my mummy, right up until Chris and I went to RUH!
We decided to go Park and Ride again (!). Chris went the wrong way and we ended up driving in pouring rain. I don't think either of us were thinking straight.
Got to RUH with 5 minutes to spare, so didn't have time to buy a paper or magazines. Sat in the waiting room people watching instead (my favourite pastime!). We didn't have to wait long and were shown into the same tiny room as last time. Mr Maddox came in and so did Irene my Breast Care Nurse. One chair for me to sit in, so Chris, Mr M and Irene had to stand. Then he told us the news.
I can only remember snipets now "it's as we thought", "multifocal", "mastectomy - no other choice", "lymph nodes affected", "possibly chemo, radiotherapy, hormone treatment", "wouldn't recommend reconstruction for at least 12 months", "off work for at least 9 months", "will get a date for surgery now for you". I was hoping I was looking calm and collected as he delivered his sentence - that's what it felt like, a life sentence or worse. I remember asking a few questions, trying my hardest not to let anyone hear my voice cracking.
Then Irene took us into the "private room". A larger room with more chairs and plenty of tissues. She brought me a folder full of leaflets and information and showed me one for young women suffering from breast cancer (see I keep telling you Chris I AM STILL YOUNG!). By this time I couldn't control the tears any longer and sobbed. We talked a little about the mastectomy and having a prosthesis. Chris put his request in for a Jordan sized one! But I pointed out that it may look a little strange next to the Tracey sized one. Irene said if I was feeling tired and he was feeling fruity, I could whip it out, chuck it over to him and tell him to get on with it. So there is laughter after diagnosis! Humour's always played an important part in my life and it's this that will help me cope. After getting me a date and time for my pre-op assessment (16th June 09:15) we were on our way out. I discovered I'd left my handbag in there, so naturally made Chris go back and get it!
Right, breathe - who to tell first? Mum was doing the school/college run, but I knew she'd be waiting to hear. I caught her sitting in the car park with all the kids in the car, having just picked Vaughan up. I kept it very very brief, just telling her it was bad news and that I'd explain more when we got home. I knew she'd be upset straight away, so said she needed to tell the kids. I promised them last time I wouldn't lie to them. Then rang Dad and Heather - "oh, Tracey Jane, you poor love." Then I had to pull myself together, the bus had arrived - bloody Park and Ride!
Adam had gone to football practice, so I'd have to tell him when he got back, but I sat Mum, Livi and Vaughan down and explained as best as I could remember (Chris had written a few things down) what was what. Told Adam when he got home and then spent the rest of the evening on the phone telling lots of other people. I slept well that night - ok, ok, I admit it, I've never had a problem sleeping!
Monday, 14 June 2010
Janice
2nd June
Went into work determined not to cry! There was nothing I could do about it, I just had to be patient and wait for the results. Gaynor and Catherine, who I'd told previously weren't in work, so I couldn't tell them about it. I'd have to keep busy to take my mind off things.
The first thing I was told when I arrived was that one of the secretaries, Janice, had been taken into hospital the previous day. She was very poorly and it was touch and go. Janice was one of the admin team, who I managed, and was brilliant. She often had us in stitches with her tales.
Everyone had to be told, so that kept me busy. We were all incredibly worried and shocked. Later on that morning, I spoke to her future son-in-law, who told me that there was nothing else that could be done for Jan and they didn't expect her to survive the week. Oh Jan! Plenty of tears from all of us. Everyone comforting each other. The day passed in a blur.
The day after we heard that her life support machine had been turned off. It was just a matter of time.
Janice finally passed away on Monday 7th June 2010 with her family around her.
We all have our own personal memories of this wonderful lady. She could talk for England, but oh how she made me laugh.
I phoned Gaynor who was on holiday in Devon and cried with her at the news.
Went into work determined not to cry! There was nothing I could do about it, I just had to be patient and wait for the results. Gaynor and Catherine, who I'd told previously weren't in work, so I couldn't tell them about it. I'd have to keep busy to take my mind off things.
The first thing I was told when I arrived was that one of the secretaries, Janice, had been taken into hospital the previous day. She was very poorly and it was touch and go. Janice was one of the admin team, who I managed, and was brilliant. She often had us in stitches with her tales.
Everyone had to be told, so that kept me busy. We were all incredibly worried and shocked. Later on that morning, I spoke to her future son-in-law, who told me that there was nothing else that could be done for Jan and they didn't expect her to survive the week. Oh Jan! Plenty of tears from all of us. Everyone comforting each other. The day passed in a blur.
The day after we heard that her life support machine had been turned off. It was just a matter of time.
Janice finally passed away on Monday 7th June 2010 with her family around her.
We all have our own personal memories of this wonderful lady. She could talk for England, but oh how she made me laugh.
I phoned Gaynor who was on holiday in Devon and cried with her at the news.
Breast Unit 1st June
Chris and I pootled off to RUH on the Park and Ride and settled down for a long wait at the Breast Unit. Poor Chris had a longer wait than expected.
The mammogram was the worst. The radiographer had to keep changing the plates for smaller ones (small breast or small lump??!!), so I was a little sore by the end of it. After that it was into another room for the ultrasound scan. This is where I was told that there were 2 areas of calcification and an enlarged lymph node in the armpit, so they were going to take some core biopsies under local anaesthetic. Brace yourself Tracey! Certainly had to do that........9 biopsies later!
Then we saw the consultant and the breast care nurse who I'd be assigned to.....mmmmmm.........what does that mean and why? Consultant told me that we just had to wait for the results before anything could be discussed, but that it did look suspicious. We were to make another appointment in 1 week. Irene, the breast care nurse gave me her card and said to ring at any time, that it would be a tough week and to be kind on myself. BANG! That was a bolt out of the blue - didn't quite expect that.
The tears started in the toilet, but I had to pull myself together, because we'd come on Park and bloody Ride!
There was also the task of telling those closest to me - my Mum, Dad, Dad & Heather and the kids. Oh God, what was I going to say to the kids? More tears.
None of that was easy. We decided to tell the kids, in the event of bad news the following week. It would be awful if I suddenly had to tell them I had cancer and they didn't even know I'd been tested.
The kids were ok about it, convinced everything would be ok. My Mum cried with me. Everyone tried to sound positive - wished I could feel the same.
The mammogram was the worst. The radiographer had to keep changing the plates for smaller ones (small breast or small lump??!!), so I was a little sore by the end of it. After that it was into another room for the ultrasound scan. This is where I was told that there were 2 areas of calcification and an enlarged lymph node in the armpit, so they were going to take some core biopsies under local anaesthetic. Brace yourself Tracey! Certainly had to do that........9 biopsies later!
Then we saw the consultant and the breast care nurse who I'd be assigned to.....mmmmmm.........what does that mean and why? Consultant told me that we just had to wait for the results before anything could be discussed, but that it did look suspicious. We were to make another appointment in 1 week. Irene, the breast care nurse gave me her card and said to ring at any time, that it would be a tough week and to be kind on myself. BANG! That was a bolt out of the blue - didn't quite expect that.
The tears started in the toilet, but I had to pull myself together, because we'd come on Park and bloody Ride!
There was also the task of telling those closest to me - my Mum, Dad, Dad & Heather and the kids. Oh God, what was I going to say to the kids? More tears.
None of that was easy. We decided to tell the kids, in the event of bad news the following week. It would be awful if I suddenly had to tell them I had cancer and they didn't even know I'd been tested.
The kids were ok about it, convinced everything would be ok. My Mum cried with me. Everyone tried to sound positive - wished I could feel the same.
The start of it all
Where to begin? Well.....it started back in 2005 after finding a lump in my right breast. I wasn't sure if I was just imagining it or if it was just natural hormonal changes. After a second opinion (thanks Chris!) I was persuaded to go to the doctor and get it checked out. I was asked to leave it for a couple of months and if there was no change to go back - which I duly did.
A mammogram and ultrasound scan followed in March 2006. Nothing sinister was found other than an enlarged milk duct. I was told to keep an eye on it and to get back in touch if there were any changes.
Although Chris was bothered by it, I was confident that there were no changes and life continued.
I embarked on a Primary Care and Health Management Diploma (2 diplomas actually!) in March 2009 and worked my socks off for the next 15 months. It all culminated in a presentation in May 2010 and a very pleasant evening in the Tudor Arms at Slimbridge with some of my new comrades in arms.
Phew, life was going to get easier now. I would be able to get some time back for myself, family and friends. Ha! How wrong was I? After a fiddle to see if things were ok, I noticed a change. Had I missed this over the last 15 months? Had it changed that long ago? Had I checked as regularly as I should have? I confess I had noticed a change a couple of months previously but again wondered if it was hormonal. Even if it was, I think it was time to get it checked out again, after all it had been 4 years since the last mammogram etc.
Off I went to the docs and she referred me back to the hospital where I'd had my last check. The week after I got an appointment for a mammogram and ultrasound for the following Tuesday, 1st June. I only told a couple of close friends at work - was determined I didn't want anyone else to know about it.
A mammogram and ultrasound scan followed in March 2006. Nothing sinister was found other than an enlarged milk duct. I was told to keep an eye on it and to get back in touch if there were any changes.
Although Chris was bothered by it, I was confident that there were no changes and life continued.
I embarked on a Primary Care and Health Management Diploma (2 diplomas actually!) in March 2009 and worked my socks off for the next 15 months. It all culminated in a presentation in May 2010 and a very pleasant evening in the Tudor Arms at Slimbridge with some of my new comrades in arms.
Phew, life was going to get easier now. I would be able to get some time back for myself, family and friends. Ha! How wrong was I? After a fiddle to see if things were ok, I noticed a change. Had I missed this over the last 15 months? Had it changed that long ago? Had I checked as regularly as I should have? I confess I had noticed a change a couple of months previously but again wondered if it was hormonal. Even if it was, I think it was time to get it checked out again, after all it had been 4 years since the last mammogram etc.
Off I went to the docs and she referred me back to the hospital where I'd had my last check. The week after I got an appointment for a mammogram and ultrasound for the following Tuesday, 1st June. I only told a couple of close friends at work - was determined I didn't want anyone else to know about it.
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