Results day - Tuesday 8th June

Mum came up on Monday evening. She wanted to be around when I got the results.
I'd taken the day off, but my appointment wasn't until 16:00. Chris went into work in the morning, so Mum and I decided to have a lazy day. We started off with breakfast in Leekes and lunch at Allington Farm shop! Had a lovely day with my mummy, right up until Chris and I went to RUH!

We decided to go Park and Ride again (!). Chris went the wrong way and we ended up driving in pouring rain. I don't think either of us were thinking straight.
Got to RUH with 5 minutes to spare, so didn't have time to buy a paper or magazines. Sat in the waiting room people watching instead (my favourite pastime!). We didn't have to wait long and were shown into the same tiny room as last time. Mr Maddox came in and so did Irene my Breast Care Nurse. One chair for me to sit in, so Chris, Mr M and Irene had to stand. Then he told us the news.

I can only remember snipets now "it's as we thought", "multifocal", "mastectomy - no other choice", "lymph nodes affected", "possibly chemo, radiotherapy, hormone treatment", "wouldn't recommend reconstruction for at least 12 months", "off work for at least 9 months", "will get a date for surgery now for you". I was hoping I was looking calm and collected as he delivered his sentence - that's what it felt like, a life sentence or worse. I remember asking a few questions, trying my hardest not to let anyone hear my voice cracking.
Then Irene took us into the "private room". A larger room with more chairs and plenty of tissues. She brought me a folder full of leaflets and information and showed me one for young women suffering from breast cancer (see I keep telling you Chris I AM STILL YOUNG!). By this time I couldn't control the tears any longer and sobbed. We talked a little about the mastectomy and having a prosthesis. Chris put his request in for a Jordan sized one! But I pointed out that it may look a little strange next to the Tracey sized one. Irene said if I was feeling tired and he was feeling fruity, I could whip it out, chuck it over to him and tell him to get on with it. So there is laughter after diagnosis! Humour's always played an important part in my life and it's this that will help me cope. After getting me a date and time for my pre-op assessment (16th June 09:15) we were on our way out. I discovered I'd left my handbag in there, so naturally made Chris go back and get it!

Right, breathe - who to tell first? Mum was doing the school/college run, but I knew she'd be waiting to hear. I caught her sitting in the car park with all the kids in the car, having just picked Vaughan up. I kept it very very brief, just telling her it was bad news and that I'd explain more when we got home. I knew she'd be upset straight away, so said she needed to tell the kids. I promised them last time I wouldn't lie to them. Then rang Dad and Heather - "oh, Tracey Jane, you poor love." Then I had to pull myself together, the bus had arrived - bloody Park and Ride!

Adam had gone to football practice, so I'd have to tell him when he got back, but I sat Mum, Livi and Vaughan down and explained as best as I could remember (Chris had written a few things down) what was what. Told Adam when he got home and then spent the rest of the evening on the phone telling lots of other people. I slept well that night - ok, ok, I admit it, I've never had a problem sleeping!